MARRY ME
by StrawberrySab
Summary: How to turn your life upside down in five days
1. DAY 1

DAY 1

* * *

It was past nine. Tired but fully satisfied, Alicia closed her laptop with a delighted smile. Everything was ready for the hearing. Standing up to leave, she stopped, peeved upon hearing her cell phone ringing.

"Hey Peter," she said, her tone rapidly switching from annoyed to apologetic when she realized they were expecting a check-in earlier. "I'm sorry, I was working on tomorrow's hearing and didn't realize it was so late. I'll be home in half an hour," she reassured him.

"It's ok, Alicia, I was just making sure you were fine," he said, followed by his casual warm chuckle. "We'll be waiting for you, then. See you later."

"_We'll be waiting for you."_

They had moved back to their old house two months before. Although content with her choice, it took her a long while to get acquainted to her new life. Well, technically it was still her old life.

In the beginning, she would wake with the unpleasant feeling that something bad was about to happen. Nothing terrified her more than the thought of her family being thrust into the media spotlight once again. More scandals, more derogatory attacks, more ambush interviews. The prospect of all that kept her on edge. Eventually, she slowly got used to it, till all her fears were gone for good or at least confined in the back of her mind, where ignoring them was easier. Her thoughts were interrupted by quick approaching steps. She turned around to see Will pausing at her door, a folder in his hands.

"I'm sorry, I thought you left." His voice was cold and distant, like it had been for the last two months. Since the day he found out she was openly supporting Peter's campaign, appearing all smiling at his conferences. Since the day her political support turned into giving their marriage another try. As if things weren't weird and complicated enough before, that had been the last straw.

"I was about to leave. I have just finished preparing for the Brennant hearing," she explained.

"This is the file you asked me to review, you can find all my notes inside." It was all he said. He quickly laid the papers on her desk, then turned to leave.

She couldn't help but notice that he wouldn't even look at her. It was painful. After all that happened, she somehow expected him to be happy for her. Yet, he wasn't and he made it very clear.

It started with little things, he was back to avoiding her, choosing to work with every associate but her. Till few weeks before, when something happened.

Walking down the corridor to Diane's office, she heard laughter. She peeked inside Will's office and she was there. Comfortably sitting in his leather chair, that blond lawyer was laughing her head off. What was her name? She couldn't remember. Right in front of her, Will was standing, his face enlightened by a wide smile. They seemed close. Way too close, judging from their flirting and proximity. As if on cue, he looked up to meet Alicia's gaze. She instantly looked away, reaching Diane's office as fast as possible, trying to shake away the unwanted picture.

Later on during the day, Alicia found herself unable to concentrate on anything. That laughter kept echoing in her mind. Will's gestures stayed in her head like a bad picture she wished she didn't take. What the hell was that? What was that supposed to mean? Did she even have any right to feel that painful stab in her stomach? Of course not, that was something she already knew. Nevertheless she couldn't avoid it.

As days went by, Alicia became more attentive of every small gesture, smile, and reaction from Will's side at that woman's presence. It didn't take special intuition to see what was happening right in front of her: light-hearted smiley conversations in the middle of meetings, mysterious appointments and lunches at the most improbable hours of the day, things between those two were getting serious.

_Lunch._

She smiled remembering what that meant for them, the excitement and the sudden throbbing of her heart when he texted her that simple word. Lunch. A simple word that didn't imply eating at all, meant to satisfy everything but the palate. The smile turned into a grimace at the realization that it more than obviously meant the same for them. Their secret code wasn't theirs anymore. The word that once made her melt into a turmoil of senses and feelings, suddenly turned into an unpleasant, sour and jarring sound. And what was even worse, she had no right to feel betrayed or cheated. She was the cause of their end and the source of her own pain.

Lost in her thoughts, she didn't even notice that Will was long gone. _Is he going to her?_ She shook her head. It was none of her business. Still, the thought was constantly on her mind, resounding like a bad song stuck in her head. It was time to leave, to go back home and get rid of that unpleasant sensation.


	2. DAY 2

DAY 2

* * *

The chances of losing the case were below zero as a result of the hearing. Alicia considered celebrating the sure success by inviting Kalinda for a drink. Unable to reach her on the phone, she opted for a solitary celebration.

Her throat craved the strong, savory burn of tequila as she approached the counter. But it all drained when she saw a very familiar figure sitting at the counter. Will seemed lost in thought as he nursed a beer by himself. She stood there, unsure if she should join him or just leave. After all there wasn't much conversation between them lately. Not to mention, Will was crystal clear in showing his discomfort and annoyance whenever she was around. _The hell with it! I need my fully deserved shot of tequila!_

She sat right beside him. "Hey Will," she tried to sound surprised but her slightly squeaky voice gave away the jitters.

Will turned, looking surprised, but didn't say anything. Great. He is probably going to walk out any minute now.

"Hey." He finally met her eyes for the first time in months. "Bad day?" he asked, looking down at his beer.

"No, actually the hearing went pretty good. I wanted to celebrate." She felt her hands getting sweaty, as the bartender started to fill an empty glass with the so much craved liquid. _This was the stupidest idea ever! _

"Great. Cheers to the good hearings," he said raising his bottle in a toast, a faint smile forming and rapidly disappearing from his face.

"What about you?" she asked tentatively. Things were so awkward between them lately, that she wasn't even sure if there was something they could actually talk about.

"Good. Thinking. Pondering some choices. Taking major decisions. The sort of things that need some alcohol running through the veins," he said finally looking up at her. He remained vague. Still, she could tell it was something of sure importance. _Major decisions._

Was she allowed to ask for more? And most important, was he willing to share more?

"Things that might also require some advice?" she went on, curious and eager to know what was bothering him lately.

"I think I just found the answer I was looking for," he said, his gaze fixed on the bottle. "I'm gonna ask Callie to marry me," he said matter-of-factly.

"Oh." It was all she could say to accompany the sudden, unpleasant, painful grip at her stomach. So that was it? Were things that serious? Was she really about to lose him forever? No, she wasn't losing him. She had already lost him! He was sitting there, talking about marriage. Will, of every person she knew, was talking about marriage. Mr. Bachelor #16, Mr. Women-like-me-until-they-discover-the-real-me was taking marriage in serious consideration. _No._ Her common sense and that bit of rationality still in control of her mind told her to stop thinking and drink!

Left there, mouth open, it took her a while to keep herself together.

"I… It's beautiful… I… I'm happy for you," she said, trying to hide the pain with a forced smile.

"Thank you," Will said, keeping a straight face.

Happy. But was she really? And even worse, was she even entitled to feel such pain? Was there something she could do about it? No, of course there wasn't. The mere thought of doing something was pure insanity. What would she do anyway? Tell him not to get married? Try to convince him that she was the wrong one? With a single sip, she drank all the tequila in her glass and gestured to the bartender to keep it coming. She came to celebrate, not get upset. But, oh well, tequila always had some weird effects on her libido. With two shots of tequila already running down her veins, she just needed a couple more to be ready for a different kind of celebrations. After all she still had a waiting husband at home.

"I should go," Will said, eying her calmly as he stood up. "Thanks for the company, Alicia."

"You're welcome," she said, trying to decipher if he meant their relationship or just tonight. Her own voice quivered but the noise around them probably hid it from Will.

She drank up her second shot of tequila, cursing the moment she decided to celebrate. Her mind went to the last time they celebrated a case together, leaving her with a taste of bitterness and regret at the thought of how the outcome wasn't exactly the same.

Her glorious night totally ruined, she felt the need to go back home, hoping that her kids and Peter's presence would help her get rid of this…whatever this feeling was.


	3. DAY 3

DAY 3

* * *

Riding up the elevator to her office floor, she felt a strange mix of anxiety, fear, pain. She kept reliving the previous night's conversation. The word "marriage" kept echoing in her mind. She tried her best to ignore the impact it was having on her, pretending she was ok with it. The elevator doors opened to a blond figure standing at the reception. Damn! What a nice way to start the day. Callie was there, apparently waiting for someone. _Probably Will_.

Her eyes went down to the woman's fingers. There wasn't any shiny luxurious ring on her hand. Did he propose? Didn't he? Did he change his mind? Maybe she just wasn't wearing it while working? No, when Will Gardner proposes to you, you don't hide it you scream it to the whole world. Noticing that Callie was staring at her, she gave her an uncomfortable smile and rushed to her office.

She had to stop this. She needed to stop this. For her own mental sanity. Quickly dialing on her phone, she called Peter. "Hey, are you busy? Can we have lunch together?" She needed a distraction, and started to hope for a very busy day that would prevent her mind from wandering hopelessly on forbidden paths.

So when Diane showed up with a new client, she more than gladly accepted to work on it.

* * *

The hours separating her from lunch flied very fast, and she found herself sitting at the table with Peter.

"So, how is your day?" he asked very casually.

"Pretty busy." _Busy trying not to think about the fact that Will is getting married._

"Did you see this?" Peter casually threw the question, while showing her the most recent issue of Chicago's Digest. Page 6, precisely. 'Will Gardner: How my life changed in six months'.

_Are you kidding me? _She went there to forget Will Gardner, not to read how the suspension changed his life! But that article magnetically held her attention. Her eyes stored some words. Book, time, changes, love.

Love. What did that even mean anymore?

'And what about love?' The question was simple and very straight coming from a veteran interviewer.

'No comment,' was Will's simple and not so straight answer.

No comment. This wasn't good. Not at all. Will Gardner's answer was supposed to be something like 'I'm not in love with anyone,' or 'I'm still waiting for the love of my life.' No comment' sounded like 'I found someone but it's too important to share it with a stupid magazine.' It hurt more than their last conversation. If that was even possible.

She looked up to see Peter deep into trying and scan her reaction.

"Nice interview," she said, in the attempt of dissipating every tiny hint of suspect from his side.

"Yes, especially the no comment part," Peter said looking straight in her eyes. "Very telling I'd say, don't you think?" She tried to figure out what he meant. Did he think she was the object of the no comment? Or did he know something about his love life? Or was she so visibly shaken by the marriage news that her attempts to hide it were failing miserably? She wasn't sure if she wanted to know what was crossing his mind.

"I don't know. It might be," she said that closing the magazine to get rid of that thought the soonest possible. "So how is your day, Peter?"

What a nice and natural change of subject. But thankfully he was nice enough to play along and didn't call her on it. Ah yes, the security of marriage…

And for the second time in two days, she found herself forced to face the reality of Will's feelings for another woman. It was real. Will's relationship was real. She couldn't get rid of that thought and that word.

The conversation eventually flowed into the comfortable and safe topics of kids, school and dinner arrangements, until she had to go back at the firm. Back facing the _new_Will.

* * *

For some reason she couldn't get rid of that old magazine. She kept it hidden, on the bottom of a drawer, for something like two years. Even when she had him, even after their break up, she just liked to sometimes read it, or stare at the picture. She couldn't stop thinking about how things had changed over that period of time.

So she took advantage of Peter showering to take a quick look at it. She went through the description of his ideal woman. She always thought it fit Tammy perfectly, but love is so irrational. The reporter more than obviously wasn't his ideal woman, seeing how quickly he got over her, especially considering she was replaced before the wheels of her plane left the ground.

"What are you reading so intently?" Alicia jumped upon hearing Peter's voice. So lost in her thoughts, she didn't notice he finished showering from quite a while.

"Nothing, just a magazine." _Damn_. She hoped he didn't get to see the huge picture accompanying the article. But the sudden change of look on his face confirmed her suspects.

She was failing and she knew it. All her attempts to keep a straight face at the mention of his name, at even seeing his picture in a magazine, were all failing.

"Is there something you want to talk about?" Peter's question took her by surprise.

"No," she said. And she wasn't really lying. "Is there something _you_ want to talk about?" she returned the question hoping, deep down inside, that he wouldn't bring up that subject.

The last time they had a conversation about Will not ending in a fight was two years before. Sometimes Peter had been right. Sometimes his accusations were totally gratuitous and only meant to hurt her. She wasn't ready or strong enough to go there again. Not now.

"Not if you say there isn't anything worth discussing," he said, his voice showed the beginnings of annoyance, bordering on a grudge.

Now, she was the one getting annoyed. She hated these tricks. They had both agreed on full honesty but apparently they were not capable of it.

"Peter, what's this about?" She realized that the voice probably sounded slightly vexed.

"This is about one of us not being totally honest about giving our marriage another try, Alicia."

So there they were. It was once again going back at Will.

She took a deep breath. She didn't want a fight, so she carefully chose the words in her mind before speaking.

"If you think this is about Will, and I'm sure you do, Peter, then you have no idea what you are talking about, 'cause he's getting married. There isn't any Will and me. It stopped long ago and you know it."

"So this is why you're upset," he concluded, confident. "It's because he's getting married, isn't it?" he added.

She looked down. She stood there for a moment, unable to find the words, or a justification. Or an excuse, for what it was worth. Unable to either lie or admit the plain truth.

When she finally looked up, she caught the mixed look of anger, frustration, hurt in Peter's eyes. He didn't say anything. Just passed by her and left the room. Not a single word or look. Not a fight.


	4. DAY 4

DAY 4

"Alicia?" Kalinda's voice made her slightly jump on her chair, snapping her from her thoughts. Sitting in the conference room, case related pictures scattered all over the table, Alicia was there physically, but her mind was everything but concentrated on their job. Her attempt with Peter officially failed the moment they both realized that there was still a third person in their marriage, like it or not. And the worst thing was, that third person was very likely totally unaware of it.

"Is… everything ok?" Kalinda seemed really concerned for her.

It took them so long to reconnect, to finally be able and have decent, mature and intimate conversations like they once used to. Nevertheless, there were things she still wouldn't discuss with her, still unable to fully trust her.

Some topics were still taboo. Peter, their reconciliation, those were things that Alicia still wouldn't and couldn't discuss with her. And for some sort of unspoken agreement, Kalinda wouldn't ask.

Alicia looked up to meet Kalinda's expectant look. Looking down, back at the papers in front of her, she wondered how much she knew. Until, with a faint voice, she asked her: "Do you know something about Will?" She then finally looked up to meet her eyes.

"Will?" she asked, looking confused. "What do you mean?" She obviously didn't know anything.

"I… We talked last night, after the hearing." The fact that they could still talk was probably taking Kalinda by surprise. After all, they had completely avoided each other for so long, that Alicia herself was surprised by last night's personal conversation. Kalinda's encouragement look gave her the strength to open up a little more.

"We met and… he told me he's going to marry _her_…" Alicia confided, a painful feeling at the mere thought.

Kalinda's look went from surprise to realization as she probably started to understand what had been going through Alicia's mind over the last few days.

"Is this… what's upsetting you?" She asked as confirmation of something that was so obvious.

Alicia remained silent for a while, not sure if she was really ready to go there again. Things between her and Will were always so complicated. And they got worse after the break-up.

When it came to her feelings for Will, Kalinda had been her shoulder for two years. And she knew for sure that after their fight, she became Will's shoulder instead, probably sharing the same kind of discussions.

"I thought I was over… this," Alicia said, her voice giving away a mix of regret and remorse. "I messed up everything, I broke his heart and mine," she paused. "I ended something that made me happy for…" She looked down and shook her head. "I don't even know for what…"

She had no idea what she even wanted from this conversation. A shoulder? Advice? Just sharing the pain with someone?

"What about Peter?" Kalinda's voice showed some hesitation. It was the first time she mentioned him in a long time.

"I...," Alicia was struggling to find the words. "He left… I…" For once, she was the one hurting Peter. He did it to her so many times, in so many ways, that she didn't even know why she felt so guilty.

"Was it about Will?" Kalinda's asked in confirmation of something they both knew.

Alicia slightly nodded, looking down. She heard Kalinda letting out a heavy sigh.

"What am I supposed to do, Kalinda?" She already knew she was probably not going to like the answer , but she needed to hear it. For her own good.

The answer was playing hard to get, making it even more painful.

Kalinda shook her head. "I don't know." Her look was sincere. "I think… Will is trying his best to move on."

_Trying_… Did that mean he still wasn't? That she still could take a last chance?

"I hurt him, didn't I?" Her question was more to herself.

"I believe… that he was into it, into you… more than you probably ever realized, Alicia." These words opened up her eyes to the impact that her decision to end their relationship probably had on Will.

She was sincere. She didn't want to hurt him, she didn't want to hurt herself either. Because that's what she did. She ended up hurting both of them. "I never meant to hurt him." Alicia felt the need to explain.

"I know it. But… things are different now," Kalinda was obviously referring to Callie.

Of course things were different, of course he was moving on. He had every right. Still, she couldn't stop thinking that this situation was a plain consequence of her decision to go back to Peter. She seemed to keep on making the wrong choices. And they were always coming home to roost.

"For some reason, I'm not expecting you to just sit and watch him marry someone else." Kalinda really knew her so well. "But, please… don't just act out of jealousy. Think about it, not once, but twice," Kalinda was begging her. "Is that what you really want? Is _him_ that you really want?"

What did she want? She just sent her marriage to hell for him, was that a proof enough of what she wanted? She didn't know anymore.

Looking up at Kalinda, she saw the concern on her face. She'd been stuck between them for so long that she probably got to know their feelings for each other more than they both did.

"I'll think about it," she promised. But they both knew that she had already decided.


	5. DAY 5

**Author's Notes: And here we are to the final chapter. I just wish to thank everyone for all the amazing reviews. They are really all very appreciated and made totally worth the hours spent writing this story!**

* * *

DAY 5

* * *

Lying in her bed, eyes wide open, Alicia couldn't sleep. Her mind kept on bouncing from the fight with Peter to the conversation with Will, from the previous day's talk with Kalinda to the best way of talking about it with Will. This proved to be the hardest part of the whole situation. She had no idea what to do, so she just hoped the right occasion would present itself during the day. Quickly peeking at the clock, she realized it was time to get up, the night went by totally sleepless. She started to prepare for work, trying to ignore that lingering mixed feeling of anxiety, fear and excitement. In good or bad, this was bound to be an important day.

* * *

They had been discussing the case for something like 40 minutes, still the topic just refused to come to light. Will was all caught up defining a new strategy for the Brennant case. In spite of the hearing's excellent outcome, an unexpected witness turned the situation against them.

"Don't worry, we'll come up with something," Will said reassuringly.

She was worried, yes. But not for the case. She was sure that they'd find a solution. Her mind was just… elsewhere.

"I know, I'm not worried." She gave him a reassuring smile in return. How could she even begin the discussion? Damn, she started to think that maybe it wasn't a good idea after all. Maybe Kalinda was right.

"Then what's worrying you if it's not about the case?" Will sounded slightly concerned, his soft voice and his eyes showing a genuine interest and worry.

That was it. The occasion she had been waiting for had finally occurred. She looked down, afraid her eyes might give away her conflicted feelings. She couldn't do it. It was totally wrong.

She looked up to see Will approaching, kneeling in front of her. She couldn't help but notice how things changed since their meeting at the bar. His confidence had somehow lifted the unbearable weight that kept them so distant over the last months.

"Alicia, what's going on?" Will's voice was almost pleading. "Is it about Peter?" he asked tentatively.

His question caught her off-guard.

"No," she started, then corrected herself, "I mean, yes… but he didn't…" She slightly shook her head, to make clear that it wasn't Peter's fault. She saw Will's concern turn into worry for her, as he took a seat by her side. She had to do it now. Or she wouldn't be able to do it anymore.

"Will?" Her voice, barely a whisper, gave away all her tension.

"Yes?" His own voice turned into a whisper.

A deep breath gave her the strength to go on. "Did you ask her?" She looked down, not wanting to meet his gaze, picturing the confusion all over his face, as he didn't answer straight away.

"I… what are we talking about?" His question confirmed her thought.

"Did you already ask Callie to marry you?" The words rushed out from her mouth in a heat, as if that could make it easier.

She looked up to meet the total confusion in Will's eyes.

"I… no, not yet." His voice sounded confused and unsure.

"Why didn't you?" She asked, feeling more confident at the thought that he might have changed his mind. But the confusion in his eyes told her otherwise.

"I don't know," he said. "I think… I'm just waiting for the right occasion," he explained.

It made total sense. And she felt stupid for even asking. Of course you just don't go home and propose after a bottle of beer.

"Yeah, of course." She gave him a soft smile, trying to hide the pain.

She pictured this conversation to be… different, although she couldn't say exactly how different. But Will's look told her that they weren't over the topic. And she felt like a complete fool for even starting it in first place.

"Why are you asking?" Will's question was legitimate.

Why was she asking? What was she supposed to answer? Step out with a lie? Or go on and make a fool of herself with the truth? Did she have something to lose? They were finally reconnecting after months of coldness and awkwardness, was she ready to lose it again? Because she was pretty sure that, after this conversation, things would go back to being like that _again_.

"Don't do it." Her voice was so barely audible that she thought she just said it in her mind. She looked away, ready for the worst.

"What?" Will's confusion seemed to increase, if that was even possible. He was probably still trying to realize how they went from the case to his marriage in the space of a few minutes.

"Don't ask her…" She felt her own words coming out from some corner of her mind, as if someone else was speaking for her. "Don't… don't marry her."

Will stood up, letting out a heavy sigh. Pacing back and forth, not talking, he was clearly trying to calm down, to search for the right words.

All she could do was to sit there and wait. She considered an attempt to step out, but it was a little too late. She had the chance to do it _before_ asking him not to get married.

Looking outside the window of his office, Will finally talked. "Why, Alicia? Why shouldn't I?" His voice sounded between hurt and pissed.

"I…" She couldn't find the words. She just wished she could run and hide, as far as possible from there. "I'm sorry… I…" She couldn't come up with anything else.

Turning around to face her, Will didn't seem inclined to break it off. "Give me a good reason why I shouldn't marry her, just one!" He didn't sound hurt or pissed anymore, just downright angry. And that just made her feel even worse. Kalinda was right. She was damn right.

"I… it hurts too much… the thought of losing you…" These were not supposed to be her words.

She went that far, still she couldn't say those three simple words. Those words he probably wanted to hear from her for years but never got to.

"Welcome to my world, Alicia." It was all he said, before leaving his own office, before leaving her there alone, regretting her decision.

* * *

Alicia gave a quick look at the clock. It was past 7. Tired and still upset by the previous confrontation with Will, she just wanted to go home to any distraction.

Walking down the corridor and to the elevator, she paused in front of Will's office. He was still there with mountains of paper on his desk. For a brief moment, she considered talking to him, giving some sort of lame excuses for her unfortunate idea. As he looked up and met her gaze, she saw the anger was gone and replaced by a look of pain. Unable to keep the gaze, she just gave up and turned to leave. Managing to break their fragile balance, once again.

* * *

An old Woody Allen movie was helping her forget the events of the day. Some laughter was exactly what she needed to cheer herself up. She thanked the fate for the kids sleeping out, both at friends' homes.

For some reason she expected Will to call her. But then why should he? The doorbell interrupted the uncontrollable flow of her thoughts. Checking the clock, she noticed it was almost 10 pm. Who could possibly show up that late? For a moment, her thought went to the kids, so she rushed to the door, worried.

But upon opening the door, she saw that not for the first time her intuition was right.

"Will…" His painful look reflected her own.

"I… I asked you for a good reason. You didn't give me one." His tone was firm, clearly unwilling to let it go.

After all, she couldn't really expect their conversation to be closed like that.

Stepping aside to let him in, she was hurt when he showed no sign of getting inside.

"Why, Alicia? Just one good reason. That's all I'm asking." He didn't show any sign of giving up either.

She looked down, half defeated, half knowing that it was her last and only chance to fix what she had broken almost one year before. It had been that long since their break up, yet it felt like it happened only few days before. He wanted one reason, just one. And she knew that the only acceptable reason was those three words that she never told him, that she always refused to tell him, pretending they were meaningless.

Looking up to meet his expectant gaze, she gathered all the strength she could find, putting aside any fear, pride or slight doubt.

"I love you." Three words. Three simple words that she knew he'd been longing to hear from _her_.

She stood there, expecting some kind of reaction, just a tiny hint that, after all this time, he still wanted to hear those words, he still wanted _her_, and not someone else. Anxiety and pain were building up, becoming unbearable at every more second of silence.

She wanted to know what he was thinking. Or maybe not. She just needed him to break that painful silence.

His light sigh interrupted her thoughts, she met his gaze, as he started to talk.

"Marry me." Just two words. But it took her an eternity to understand their real meaning, still slightly unaware of what was happening, right there, on her doorstep.

His eyes were full with nothing but love, sweeping away all her fears. He still wanted _her_. She still was the only woman he really wanted to be with.

The "I love you" whispered only few minutes before was already the answer to his question. He didn't need a "yes" and she knew it. She just leaned forward, sealing her promise with a passionate kiss.

.

The End


End file.
